Talking about sex & bodies with kids
Don't worry, concerned parents
It's not about sex with children. There is no sex with children. There is sexualized violence against children.
It's about opening and maintaining a space for conversation.
Studies show that one of the best ways to prevent sexualised violence is an environment in which sexuality is not taboo, but where all feelings and body sensations can be discussed openly - positive and negative.
An environment that doesn't embarrass children, but invites them to talk about the things that are happening - and also the things that might be done to them.
An environment that shows children how interactions and touches between people (not just from their genitals) can be consensual, so that they learn that touch should always feel nice and good. Then people/children can talk about it more easily if there are violations, or classify actions as wrong and get help.
Start a conversation - but how?
There can be a lot of overstraining and maybe even rejection at first, especially when it comes to topics that are supposedly tainted with shame. Because behind that there is often simply a lot of concern about kids and, on top of that, so much pressure of expectation of "right or wrong - upbringing".
Books really help me personally. They can be super helpful for starting conversations with kids about pretty much anything. And meanwhile there are also many cool children's books that depict diverse gender, body and family forms, but hardly any in which child sexuality or questions about sex and bodies are addressed in an empowering way from the kids' point of view, let alone shown in pictures.
I have put the following together in a book case that you are welcome to borrow from me.
I would be happy to advise you on the question of "How to start a conversation" or, as a multiplier for prejudice-aware education and upbringing (ISTA), I offer workshops on the subject of prejudice-aware books and play materials in schools or kindergartens.
- Lina, the discoverer of Katharina Schönborn-Hotter and Flo Staffelmayr (2021)The love life of animals by Katharina von der Gathen and Anke Kuhl (2020)AnyBody - the big ABC of our body home by Katharina von der Gathen & Anke Kuhl (2021 ) Enlighten me: 101 real children's questions about an exciting topic by Katharina von der Gathen & Anke Kuhl (2014) Lilith's Treasure - A story about sexuality, lust and the menstrual cycle by Carla Trepat Casanovas (2015) Popos everywhere by Annika Leone and Bettina Johannson (2020)Sex is a funny word by Cory Silverberg (2015)What do you look like? Why normal things don't exist by Sonja Eismann and Amelie Persson (2020) How a baby is made by Cory Silverberg (2014) How Lotta was born by Ka Schmitz and Cai Schmitz-Weicht (2013) OH WOMAN educational game about periods, cycles and the body of Stephanie Renz and Tania Hernandez
*in most of these books, however, the body and genitals are unfortunately still thought of and illustrated in a fairly binary manner
Gender, sexuality and family diversity in books for kids and their caregivers
- you be you Gender, Love & Family Explained by Julie Benbassat and Jonathan Branfman (2017)Who Are You? The Kid's Guide to Gender Identity by Brook Pessin-Whedbee and Naomi Bardoff (2017)Where's Dad? A book about twelve different families by Mirna Funk and Maayan Sophia Weisstub (2018)PS: There is favorite ice cream by Luzie Loda (2018)Rubberband families - Rubberband Families by WoMANtís RANDom (2016)The nine colorful kingdoms. Queer fairy tales - not just for children by Thies, Frank and Martin Breuer (2018) Julian is a mermaid by Jessica Love (2021) Do you eat grass or caterpillars? A book about families, about arguing & listening by Ka Schmitz and Cai Schmitz-Weicht (2016)Handbook for superheroes by Elias & Agnes Vahlünd (2019)JOKESI Club - Jekh, Dui, Drin, 3 Freundinnen in Berlin by Tayo Awosusi-Onutor Raumschiff Cosine by Tanja Abou (2011)Power to the Princess - Fairy Tales for Brave Girls by Vita Murrow & Julia Bereciartu (2019)
Children's books critical of adultism -
which address the balance of power between adults and children
- power WORDS! by Cindy Ballaschk et al. & Ka Schmitz (2016)What my parents can learn from me! by Mathias Jeschke & Maja Bohn (2015) Power Stories - A book for children about life with adults by Anne Sophie Winkelmann & Gaelle Lalonde (2019) I am a child and I have rights by Alain Serres & Aurélia Fronty (2017) Migration of the fish by Yaroslava Black & Ulrike Jänichen (2020)No one gets through here! by Isabel Minhós Martins & Bernardo P. Carvalho (2017)Why adults have to stay up so late at night by Kathairna Grossmann-Hensel (2015)The children's box by Toni Morrison (2000)